Soul Bond
by talfe'anhar
Summary: This story takes place a few weeks after Kirk is awakened at the end of Into Darkness. Something strange is happening to him and it's up to Kirk and Spock to figure out what it is. Based on "Star Trek Into Darkness". For entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made.
1. Chapter 1

James T. Kirk could not get warm. No matter what he tried; hot showers, hot baths, dressing in multiple layers, drinking hot liquids, huddling under quilts and blankets both natural and synthetic. He was chilled to the bone. When he had first awakened after the two weeks McCoy and the medical staff at Starfleet had spent struggling to get his radiation-damaged body to accept the transfusion of Khan's blood, Bones had told him there were no side effects.

Bones was wrong. Shortly after he regained consciousness, strange things had begun to happen. Headaches, dizziness, anxiety attacks, weird pains in his body, and now this constant chill. Some of it McCoy had been able to treat; curing a headache was easy enough, and there were both drugs and natural remedies to calm an anxiety attack. But the doctor was at a loss to understand _why _Jim was having all these symptoms.

"Dammit, Jim, it doesn't make any sense. You should be feeling fine. I can't find any reason for all these problems you're having."

Jim heaved a sigh. "Great. I gotta be honest, Bones. This is scaring the hell out of me. I mean, I can't function like this. How can I be captain of the Enterprise when I've got all this shit going on?"

McCoy refrained from telling his captain and friend that it had him a bit worried as well. Instead, he tried to reassure him. "It's only been a few weeks since you woke up. Let's give it time, OK? I'll keeping tryin' to figure out a cause for what's happening to you. Meanwhile, you have to keep a low profile. Rest, don't over exert yourself. I know you're bored out of your mind, I know this inertia is makin' you nuts but you have to give yourself time to heal completely. You hear me?"

Jim ran his hands through his hair and then looked at his friend. "Yeah, I hear you. It's not like I can really go out and party the night away in this condition. Besides, that whole scene doesn't hold the fascination it used to. And to be truthful, I think I get in my own way when I start worrying about how I'm feeling. That's when the anxiety starts building, and before I know it I'm a fucking basket case. I keep thinking, 'what if I'm like this forever? How am I gonna be able to resume my life?'"

McCoy had asked himself the same question. He did not, however, reveal this to Jim. "Call Spock and have him bring that 3D chess game over. You need to focus on something other than your current situation."

"3D chess. Man, that sounds like fun", Jim said with a tinge of sarcasm. "Can I keep doing my workouts?"

"Absolutely. You need to stay in shape. Just don't overdo it."

"I promise. Can I get outta here now?"

"Yeah, go on home. Call me if you need anything."

The various remedies and medications had worked, for the most part. He was still having episodes of anxiety, but the stuff Bones had prescribed kept it from getting out of control. The aches and pains had almost completely gone away. But just when he was starting to relax and feel like he was on the road to full recovery, the chill had hit him. And it wasn't letting up. Dressed in thermal trousers, three shirts and a jacket, he was heating water for tea when he heard his front door chime. He considered ignoring whoever was calling, but thought better of it. He left the kettle on the heating element and went to answer the door. It slid open to reveal his first officer and best friend.

"Spock! Come in", he said, trying not to let the Vulcan see his teeth chattering. "I'm making tea. You want some?" He stepped aside to let Spock into the apartment. His first officer walked past him and then turned back to face him.

"Tea is agreeable. If I may inquire, why are you dressed in such warm clothing? The temperature in your apartment is several degrees above what you would normally find comfortable. I also observe that your teeth are chattering. Are you running a fever?"

_Can't fool this guy. He's far too observant, and he knows me too well. _ "I'm having trouble getting warm. No matter what I try, I'm freezing. That's why I'm making tea, to see if I can take this chill off a bit."

"Have you notified Doctor McCoy about this? He may be able to provide you with a remedy..."

"Bones doesn't know why I keep having all these problems", Jim interrupted. "According to him, I should be feeling fine. I'm not fine, Spock. I'm all messed up." Just then he heard the kettle begin to whistle, and started toward the kitchen. Spock followed him.

"Define 'all messed up.'"

"Well, first it was the headaches", Jim said as he turned the heat off and poured the boiling water into a teapot to which he'd already added tea leaves. He put the lid on the pot and turned to face Spock. "Then I started getting anxiety attacks, and weird pains in my body. And now this fucking chill." He waited for Spock to admonish him for using an expletive, but this time the Vulcan merely frowned slightly. "How long has this been going on?" he asked.

"Off and on for the last two weeks. And yes, I went to see Bones, and he gave me some stuff that helped. I thought I was getting better when this chill hit." He opened a cupboard and took out two mugs, poured the tea and set the mugs on the table. He sat down across from Spock, picked up his mug of tea and wrapped his fingers around the hot ceramic surface, trying to warm his cold hands. He took a sip, grimaced when he felt the too-hot liquid burn his tongue, and set the mug on the table.

"I am curious. Why did you not contact me?"

Jim shrugged. "I didn't want to bother you. I know you've been supervising the refit of the Enterprise."

"All the same I would have preferred that you inform me of your condition. Perhaps I could have helped."

"Helped? How? You're not a doctor and I'm sure you have better things to do than play nurse to me." Jim had been staring into his mug. He looked up at Spock... and saw something in the other man's eyes. He felt a slight tightening in his chest. Spock looked... hurt. Not so anyone else would notice, of course, but he knew this Vulcan in a way that no one else did.

"I didn't mean to leave you out of the loop, I just knew you were busy and didn't want to bug you."

Spock frowned. "Why would you think I would be bothered by having you inform me of your condition? If our positions were reversed, would you be bothered if I contacted you to let you know I was not feeling well?"

"No, of course not. I'd want to know." _Man, did I screw up here or what? _"Spock, I'm sorry. You're right. I should have told you."

At that moment Jim shuddered and started shivering uncontrollably. His teeth were chattering so hard he feared they'd break against each other. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them Spock was no longer sitting across from him. Alarmed, he looked around and saw his friend standing beside him.

"Get up", Spock said, not unkindly.

"Why? Are we going somewhere?" His feeble attempt at humor went unnoticed by his first officer.

"Jim, please. Get up."

"Okay, okay, jeez." He pushed his chair back and stood. Spock laid a hand on his back and started to guide him out of the kitchen. Kirk was confused but didn't object until he saw where the Vulcan was pushing him.

"What, you're gonna put me to bed?" He let out a mirthless chuckle. "Forget it. Being under the covers doesn't help. Look how many blankets are on the bed. I'm still freezing."

"This time we will add another element which may prove to be helpful in easing your chill."

"Yeah? And what would that be?"

"Me."

_What did he just say? He did not just say what I think I heard... _

"You?"

"My body temperature runs a few degrees above yours. If I join you under the blankets, perhaps I can help you get warm." Spock had removed his boots and was shedding his jacket and shirt. Clad now in just pants, socks and a t-shirt, he turned to find his friend staring open-mouthed at him. He raised an eyebrow at Jim and waited.

"You want me to get in bed with you? Are you serious?"

"It is a logical course of action given your condition. What is the problem?"

_Good question, Jim_ thought. What was the problem? He trusted this man with his life. Spock was trying to help him. So what if they were both male? All apprehension suddenly fell away.

"I guess I should take off some of these clothes or your body heat will never get to me." He stripped off the layers until he was wearing the same thing his friend was. Still shivering uncontrollably, he climbed into the bed and waited. He didn't know what to expect from this 'logical course of action'. He only knew that he was freezing, and if the Vulcan's higher body temperature could help ease his bone-numbing chill, he'd lie in bed with him for as long as it took.

"Turn onto your left side." Spock said as he lay down beside him and pulled the blankets over them. Jim did as instructed. Spock put his arm around him and pulled him close, so that the length of their bodies were in contact. Jim started ever so slightly when he felt Spock's fingers touching his face.

"Mind meld?" he asked.

"Yes," his friend replied. "Quiet."

Jim closed his eyes. He expected to feel uncomfortable being this close to Spock, but to his wonder, he didn't. Perfectly spooned in his friend's embrace, he felt himself starting to relax, and then he realized that his teeth were no longer chattering and his violent shivering had stopped. He drew in a shuddering breath that was almost a sob as he felt the excruciating chill start to melt away. He let the breath out, sighing with a profound sense of relief at the blissful warmth he now felt. He had been so cold for so long. This felt like paradise.

"Oh my God, this feels so good."

"I am glad you are enjoying it. I must apologize for forgetting that heterosexual humans are sometimes uncomfortable being this close to someone of the same sex. I assure you there is nothing sexual about this. It is simply my attempt to help you. I trust that you understand this."

"I do. I was a little confused at first, but I trust you with my life. You're my best friend, Spock. I love you. I hope you know that."

Spock didn't answer. But they were still in contact through Spock's fingers, still in the mind meld he had initiated. And He heard what Spock couldn't say out loud.

"_I love you too, Jim._"

Jim struggled not to cry. The memory of Spock crying as he watched him die told him that the Vulcan cared very deeply for him. But to hear Spock say "I love you", even if he didn't speak it out loud, meant more to Jim than he could ever put into words. So he didn't try. Instead, he snuggled closer to Spock and fell asleep in his friend's arms.

_xxx_

Spock opened his eyes to the early morning sun filtering through the sheer drapes on Jim's bedroom window. Jim liked to leave the heavier ones open so that he could see the sun rising. But this morning, his friend was missing the pastel hues of pink, orange and blue in the Terran sky. Spock looked over at him. Jim had rolled onto his back and was sleeping deeply, his face serene, his chest rising and falling with a steady rhythm. Spock wanted to do a quick mind meld with his friend, but decided to wait until after certain bodily functions had been attended to. He rolled out of the bed gently and made his way to the bathroom.

Not long after, showered, shaved and dressed in clothes he kept in Jim's closet, he went into the kitchen and made a fresh pot of tea. Moving into the main room of the apartment, he drank his tea as he watched the sky grow brighter in the East. He mentally went down the list of things he had to do today. Most of them involved fitting the Enterprise with a new sensor array and installing equipment for stellar cartography. The Enterprise and her crew were preparing to embark on the first ever long-term mission. Five years in space, exploring as far into the galaxy as they could go. Spock was looking forward to this journey. As a science officer, exploration was what he was trained for. Such a mission required the Enterprise to be carrying the most sophisticated mapping and sensor equipment. Spock had helped to develop some of the computer programs needed to run the new hardware.

Spock was also looking forward to being Jim's first officer. When he thought about serving aboard the Enterprise, exploring the galaxy with his closest friend, he felt a sensation in his body that at first he didn't recognize. After allowing himself to experience it for a moment, he identified it as anticipation. Not only was he anticipating the mission, he was looking forward to taking the trip with Jim. So much had happened in the past few months, good and bad. The worst was losing Jim. The best was getting him back. He was aware of an intense desire to follow Jim Kirk wherever he went.

For now, they would be staying in San Francisco while the Enterprise was refitted and while Jim recovered. The start of the mission was still several months away. Spock drank the last of his tea, dropped off the mug in the kitchen and returned to the bedroom to check on his friend before leaving to go back to work on the ship.

Jim was still sleeping soundly, still lying on his back. Spock observed the blush of sleep on his friend's cheeks and the peaceful look on his face. The corners of Spock's mouth turned up ever so slightly, just a whisper of a smile. He was pleased to see that the work he had done the night before had been fruitful. He hoped that it would last. He placed his fingers very carefully on Jim's face and gently made contact with his mind. The surface was quiet and still like a lake on a windless day, but he could feel the stream of Jim's subconscious, the ebb and flow of his dreams, the rest and renewal taking place in the other man's body. Satisfied that for the moment, his friend was on the mend, he gently withdrew his mind and lifted his fingers from Jim's face. He left the apartment quietly, securing the front door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

At a table on a veranda high above the City, two men sat playing chess. A light breeze riffled their hair; one, black and neatly cut, the other light brown and tousled.

"Checkmate."

"Checkmate! Ah, you gotta be kiddin' me," Jim said, leaning back in his chair and looking across the table at Spock. "Why the hell am I playing chess with you anyway? It's not like I could ever win."

"You are failing to follow the moves, my friend," Spock replied. We have discussed this before. It is vital to keep track of the movement of the pieces across the board. You lack focus."

"Why is it that I can captain a star ship but can't play a game of chess?"

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "Do you truly require an answer to that question?"

"No, I guess not. I'm more an action kind of guy. Cerebral? Not so much."

"It is a skill that can be learned. But you lack patience as well."

Jim shook his head and smiled. "Whatever." He pointed to Spock's empty glass. "You want a refill?"

"Thank you," Spock said, handing the glass to his friend. Jim rose from the table and went through the french doors toward the kitchen. Spock began to reset the pieces for another game. He was contemplating how he could teach his impulsive friend to still his mind and focus, when he heard a strange noise like a grunt come from the kitchen. It was followed by the sound of breaking glass and a thud as if something had hit the floor. He sprang up from his chair, knocking it over as he did. There was no one save the two of them in the apartment. Something was wrong with Jim. He hurried to find him writhing on the floor as if in pain, broken glass all around him. Spock kicked a few large shards out of the way and knelt beside his friend.

"Jim! What is wrong?! Jim!" Almost instinctively, he made contact with his friend's mind, and what he found hit him like a shock wave, rocking him back on his heels. Jim was in terrible pain, a pain that radiated through his body from his midsection.

He was gasping, trying to breathe through the agony. "Spock... it hurts... so... bad!" His face screwed up into a grimace and his breathing turned to panting. Spock realized he was afraid. _What IS this? What is wrong with him? _Just then Jim cried out.

"Oh God, it's getting worse! Spock, help me!"

"I do not know what to do! I will call Dr McCoy." He started to get up from the floor, but Jim grabbed his arm.

"No! No, Spock, he can't help me. I don't wanna go back to the hospital!"

"Jim, I must get you some help!" Spock tried to get up again, and this time Jim grabbed his arm with a vise-like grip. Spock frowned at the hand threatening to cut off the circulation to his arm.

"I... said... NO! No more fucking doctors! You can help me. I know you can."

Spock was confused. "I have no idea how to help you. What would you have me do?" He watched in horror as his friends breathing sped up even more. The last time he'd seen anything like it was when he'd helped a woman in labor deliver her child. But the pain the young mother felt, though considerable, was nothing compared to this.

"...mind... meld... help... Spock!" Jim tried to grab Spock's hand. Spock immediately touched Jim's face and prepared to deal with the onslaught of agonizing pain his friend was enduring.

When it hit him, Spock almost broke the meld. He could not believe that Jim was still conscious. The pain was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. He struggled to control its effect on him. He knew that if he could not handle it, there was no way he could help Jim. Almost forcibly, with his mind, he pushed the searing agony aside. He passed by it, traveling deeper into Jim's mind. He could still feel it looming like a raging beast about to strike. He gathered strength and pushed it further away from him. He raised a barrier to contain it. Remarkably, it held. He felt Jim relax ever so slightly. Not much relief, but better than nothing.

Turning his attention back to his friend, he began to be aware of some sort of barrier within the other man's mind. He pushed at it gently. Jim gasped and groaned under the pressure. Spock searched desperately within his own mind for everything he had ever been taught or had experienced about mind melds and what can and cannot be done while using them. He found no answer. He suddenly felt a terrible sense of despair. _I cannot help him... _NO! There had to be a way!

At that moment, from somewhere either far away or deep inside... he could never be certain, it came to him. He had to cross the barrier he felt in Jim's mind. The thought brought an instant sense of denial. _What if I injure him? Or even kill him?_ It was possible to kill with a mind meld, if done incorrectly. But Spock knew he had to try. He knew his friend would die anyway if he couldn't stop what was happening.

He pushed against the barrier, harder this time. Jim let out a loud moan. Spock opened his eyes and found his friend staring up at him. He was drenched in sweat, his face pale, blood on his lower lip from having bitten it. Tears streamed from his beautiful blue eyes. The look in those eyes... pleading, hoping, suffering... Spock felt a shock run through him. He needed Jim's help to make this work.

_Jim, I need you to help me. I must cross the barrier in your mind. You must try to drop it, weaken it, so that I can pass through. I believe it is what I must do to stop this_. Jim nodded almost imperceptibly. He understood. The horrendous pain kept him from answering, either audibly or in his mind, but he understood. Spock put his other hand to Jim's face. He took a deep breath, steadied himself and prepared to push through the barrier. He could feel Jim trying to open up, not really knowing how but making an effort. Jim's thoughts floated and danced, advanced and retreated. His childhood, his years of drunkenness and self destruction, his early days in Starfleet, how much he'd disliked Spock at the beginning, and how much he loved him now.

Spock felt the barrier weaken. He felt Jim struggling to open up. A moment came when the barrier shimmered and thinned. _Now or never_. Spock pushed through.

Jim screamed, a scream of shock and agony, and for a terrible moment Spock feared he may have killed his friend. Jim was writhing, wailing, moaning, and Spock felt his heart would break at seeing the suffering of someone he loved so dearly. But then something shifted, like the ground moving under one's feet during a violent earthquake. It tilted, shifted again and then righted itself. Spock looked into Jim's eyes and felt the pain receding. Jim's body finally started to relax, his breathing slowing, a look of immense relief on his face. Spock kept the meld open, just so he could monitor his friend's mind. Jim's vitals began to return to some semblance of normal. Jim was completely exhausted, barely able to move. But he was alive and slowly recovering. He looked at up Spock and offered a weak smile.

"Now you can call Bones."

A few minutes later, Spock was trying to placate an enraged Dr McCoy.

"Doctor, please contain yourself. The worst appears to be over. We need for you to check Jim's vitals and give us your medical assessment. Please get here as soon as possible." Spock cut the link before McCoy could resume his ranting. He turned his attention back to Jim.

"I must get you off the floor and into bed." He knew that Jim couldn't walk at this point, so he hoisted him onto his shoulder like a sack of grain and carried him to the bedroom. He put him on the chair beside the bed and removed his outer clothing which was wet from the spilled iced tea and studded with bits of broken glass. Supporting his friend's weight against his shoulder, he deftly searched through his hair for glass shards. Satisfied that there were none, he moved Jim to the bed and covered his lower body with a light blanket.

Jim appeared to be completely spent. His hair was wet from sweating and he had blood at the corner of his mouth from biting his lip. His eyes began to roll back in their sockets but then he took a breath and focused on Spock.

"Please tell me I don't ever have to go through that again," he said, his speech slurring slightly. "I thought I was gonna die."

"I was afraid I had killed you when I pushed through the barrier."

"What was that, by the way?"

"I do not know. I have never encountered anything like it."

"Well, it's a damn good thing you were with me, because I don't think anyone else could have helped me." Jim took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Just then the front door chimed. And chimed, and chimed again.

Jim smiled weakly. "We're in deep shit, you know that?"

Spock tilted his head slightly and favored his friend with one of his almost smiles. "I have no doubt."

_xxx_

"Dammit, Spock! Why the hell didn't you call me?" Dr McCoy was ranting alright. Jim heard it the moment the door opened, all the way to the bedroom.

"Doctor, please..." Spock began.

"No god dammit, I wanna know why you didn't call me!"

"Because I wouldn't let him, that's why."

Spock and McCoy, who had been facing each other, turned in unison to look at their captain. Jim looked at Spock. "Show 'im your arm."

Spock hesitated.

"Show 'im your arm, Spock."

Spock pushed up the left sleeve of his shirt. On his forearm was a deep bruise darkening into various shades of green. The imprint of Jim's fingers and thumb showed clearly on the pale skin.

"Good god man, you did that?" McCoy exclaimed, looking in shock at Jim.

"I really didn't want him to call anyone," Jim said, smiling, his speech slurred. He almost felt like he was drunk. McCoy pulled a tricorder from his bag and began to scan his friend.

"Your adrenaline is off the chart. That explains the euphoria. Your heart rate is good, but you've got too much oxygen in your blood." He took out another instrument and moved it around Jim's head. "Your brain activity is fine. Blood pressure is elevated, but not too much. Your physiology suggests that you just ran a marathon or some other physically stressful activity." He administered a hypospray and then looked up at Spock."What the hell happened here?"

Jim watched as McCoy's expression turned from one of anger to one of concern. Jim followed his gaze to see Spock standing still, eyes closed, lips pressed tightly together. He looked closer and saw that his friend was trembling. Alarmed, he tried to get the Vulcan's attention.

"Spock?" Jim saw his friend swallow hard and open his eyes. It dawned on him that Spock was fighting his emotions.

"Excuse me," Spock said abruptly, and walked quickly from the room.

"Where the hell is he going? I'm not done with him yet."

"Bones, enough. He needs a minute. You have no idea what he and I have just been through."

"I've been tryin' to get you to tell me what you just went through! What the hell happened here!"

"But that's just it, Bones. We aren't sure ourselves. We're asking the same question you are. What the hell happened?"

McCoy rubbed his forehead and looked at Jim. "You two are gonna be the death of me."

_xxx_

Spock stood on the veranda and felt the rays of the Terran sun on his face. Eyes closed, he struggled to gather his thoughts and push down his emotions. He was not succeeding at either. He wanted to think, to analyze, to figure this whole thing out, but right now all he could do was feel. He had just watched his closest friend go through a terrifying, painful trauma. No, not just watched. He had endured it with him, not as intensely, but close enough to know how much worse it had been for Jim.

_Is this my fault? Would he be going through all of this if I were not so close to him? _Spock had begun to formulate a theory. He believed it was possible that the ordeal Jim was going through had something to do with him. The thought of being the cause of his friend's suffering was almost unbearable. He realized it was this thought that was wreaking havoc on his emotional equilibrium. _Would it be better if I distanced myself from him? Applied for a transfer, got as far away from him as possible. Would that save him? _The thought gave him a feeling which bordered on panic. It was so intense that he gripped the rail of the veranda to steady the sudden sensation of vertigo. _No. It is too late for that. I could not leave him if I wanted to, which I most certainly do not. _They were bound to each other now, two halves of the same whole. Whatever was happening, they had to see it through to the end. Together.

Having come to this conclusion, Spock felt more at peace. The logical part of him, the most dominant part, came to the forefront now and presented him with a challenge. _Find out what is truly happening. _He was not sure where to start, save for the fact that it had to do with mind melds. Every time Jim had been in distress when he was present, there had been a mind meld. This had to be the place to start. Spock felt a sense of resolve. He had not found the solution as yet, but he had a point at which to start.

_xxx_

"Jim, I want you to promise me you'll call me if you have any problems. I may not be able to do what Spock does, but at least I can monitor your vitals and make sure nothing gets too far outta whack."

"Doctor, we will indeed keep you informed," Spock said as he came back into the bedroom. "However, I am sure Jim will agree that you must refrain from discussing this matter with anyone."

Jim looked at Spock. He was back to his usual logical self. Eyes still fixed on his first officer, he said "He's right Bones. Keep this between us, please."

"I'm not sure I even wanna know about this, much less discuss it with anyone else. I gotta get back to Medical. You gonna be OK Jim?"

Jim finally tore his eyes away from Spock. "Yeah Bones, I'm good. We'll keep in touch."


	3. Chapter 3

Spock keyed in the pass code to Jim's apartment. The door slid open. He walked into stillness and silence. He had entered the main floor of the building hoping that perhaps today he would find Jim feeling better. Sitting on the veranda reading some book or magazine on his tablet, even playing one of those ridiculous antique video games he favored. But Jim was nowhere to be seen in the main part of his quarters, which meant that he was probably sleeping. Again. He had done little else since they had gone through the ordeal just two weeks ago. Spock had moved in the day after the incident, the two of them agreeing it would be a good idea for him to stay with Jim until he recovered.

But Jim was not recovering. In fact, to Spock's dismay, his friend appeared to be getting weaker by the day. He was disinclined to eat, and was depressed and emotionally vulnerable. There had been several incidences when Spock came home to find him crying. The Vulcan was alarmed by this, partly because it was so unlike Jim to be this way, and partly because at that point he was at a loss as to how he could help. Dr. McCoy had been back a few times to check Jim's vitals and still could not find anything that could be causing the malaise his friend was enduring. But Spock had been doing research, and what he had discovered had given him a sense of urgency. If his hypothesis was correct, Jim was running out of time.

Spock moved quietly through the main room and into Jim's bedroom. He saw his friend sprawled across the bed, asleep. Spock pulled a chair over to the side of the bed and took a close look at him. His face was pale, there were dark smudges under his eyes and he looked as if he had indeed been crying. Spock winced, remembering the last time he had experienced his best friend in the throes of an emotional overload...

He had come home to find Jim out on the veranda. The evening breeze was chilly but Jim didn't seem to notice. He was staring at something, or maybe at nothing, lost somewhere in his misery. Spock walked up beside him. Jim turned and Spock was shocked to see tears sliding down his friend's cheeks. Jim's eyes, those fascinating clear blue eyes, were red-rimmed and swimming. Spock's breath caught and his heart clenched at the sight.

"Jim, what are you doing out here in this cold wind? Come inside, please." He put an arm around his friend's shoulders and guided him to the couch where he sat with Jim beside him. Jim continued to cry quietly, staring at the carpet.

"What is going on? Tell me why you are weeping."

Jim turned to look at him. "I'm not getting better, Spock. I can barely stay awake, and when I do, all I feel is despair. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

Jim looked bereft, as if he had lost all hope. Spock reached his saturation point. He simply could not just sit there and watch his friend suffer. He reached out and pulled Jim into his arms. Jim collapsed against him and wept. It didn't take a mind meld to feel the man's pain; Spock felt it as if it were his own. He took a mental step back. It would do neither of them any good if he succumbed to the overwhelming grief and despair.

"You must be so disgusted with me by now," Jim said.

Spock was shocked by this comment. "I am in no way disgusted with you. Why would you think that?"

"Because this isn't me, Spock. I'm nothing but a basket case. Crying all the time, weak, depressed. I'm just completely fucked up."

"You have been through an extreme trauma. I was there, if you recall. It is to be expected that you will take some time to heal." Spock felt Jim try to pull out of his embrace. He tightened his arms around him. "No, do not pull away from me. Even if all you can do is cry like a child in my arms, I am here for you. I do not know what else to do, other than hold you, comfort you, try to lend you some of my strength. _And to love you..._

Spock pulled himself out of the memory. He opened his eyes... and found Jim looking at him.

"Man, you were off somewhere at the other end of the galaxy," Jim said. Were you meditating?"

"I was remembering. How are you feeling?"

"Tired, like usual. I tried to get up and get something to eat but I gave it up. It's easier just to sleep. I don't seem to have much energy for anything else."

It was time for Spock to test his theory. He laid his fingers on Jim's face and made contact. Now that he knew what to look for, it took no time at all to assess Jim's condition and confirm his deepest fears. He broke the meld and looked into Jim's eyes.

"We must go to New Vulcan immediately."

"New Vulcan? Why?"

"It is the only way to save you."

"Save me? What are you talking about?"

"Jim, your essence is fading. You are dying."

Jim looked at him in shock, his eyes wide. "Dying? What do you mean, I'm dying?"

"It is difficult to explain. I have been studying a phenomenon known on Vulcan as Tal Fe'an Har. The closest translation to your language is 'soul bond'. I believe you and I have formed this bond."

"And this bond is gonna kill me? What the fuck, Spock?"

Spock ignored the expletive. "If you were Vulcan, it would not be an issue. But because you are Human, your body and mind are unable to process the bonding sequence. I am half Human, but the Vulcan part of me is strong enough to overcome this weakness. The Tal Fe'an Har has not been seen on Vulcan for many years, and it has never occurred between a Vulcan and a non-Vulcan."

"Wait a second, are you telling me that you and I are soul mates?"

"If my suspicions are correct, yes. But we will not know for certain until we are tested. I have spoken to my father and..."

"You're father? Oh, shit. What did he say? I can't imagine he'd be in favor of this."

"On the contrary, my father knows of someone who can test us."

"Well, what good is testing us gonna do? It sounds like you're pretty sure about this."

"The bond must be verified and then sealed."

"Sealed? I don't understand. This is really confusing to me. Can't you just mind meld this info direct, instead of trying to explain it in words?"

"That is what I am about to do. Are you ready?"

"Since when do you ask me if I'm ready for a meld?"

"Since the stakes have risen to the level of life and death."

"Just do it, OK?"

Spock touched Jim's face and made contact. He was disconcerted at the sluggishness of Jim's mind. He was indeed fading. With an effort, Spock pushed aside his concern and went deeper into his friend's consciousness. Slowly and carefully, he relayed all he knew about the Tal Fe'an Har. How the souls, the essences of the two individuals merged, formed a bond for life. Not at all sexual, but much deeper and more profound. A spiritual connection. They would become two halves of one whole. Once sealed the bond could not be broken even in death. Tal Fe'an Har was a rare and precious gift.

Once he was satisfied that he had told him all he could, Spock broke the meld. He opened his eyes and looked at Jim. His friend's eyes were shimmering with tears that rolled down his cheeks when he blinked. The look on his face was one of shock and wonder. Spock observed more than a little fear as well, which was to be expected, given the circumstances.

Jim reached out for his hand. Spock moved from the chair to the bed and wrapped his friend snugly in his arms. Jim's emotions overloaded again, leaving him sobbing in Spock's embrace. Spock felt his own emotions welling up. He started to push them down, but then realized it was pointless to do so. Jim would know what he was feeling. Of all the people in the entire Universe, Jim was the one from which he would never again have to hide.

_xxx_

Jim was in shock. He tried to process the information Spock had given him in the mind meld, but his brain wouldn't comply. It was too much. He felt felt a sensation like a short circuit in his mind. His emotions completely overloaded. He reached out to Spock, who sat beside him on the bed and caught him in a tight embrace. The one thing he'd understood for sure was that he and Spock were bonded together for life_._ That was the phrase which kept echoing in his mind. Bonded together for life. Jim struggled and failed to regain his composure. He could not stop crying. The phrase repeated in his head in a continuous loop. _Bonded together for life... bonded together for life... _the implications of this statement were overwhelming. He wanted to run toward it, grab it and hold tight, but at the same time he was afraid. _Too much responsibility... I'm not worthy of this... bonded together for life..._

"JIM. STOP," he heard Spock say in a commanding voice. Spock must have sensed that he was spiralling further out of control. He was in Jim's mind, and Jim felt as if he were hanging from the edge of a cliff, and Spock had grasped his hand and hauled him from the brink. In an instant he seemed to be on solid footing again. The overwhelming emotion began to ease. His mind began to clear. After a few minutes he sat up and looked at his friend.

Spock heaved a sigh and said,"We will have to get Doctor McCoy to clear you to travel."

Jim snorted. "Good luck with that."

_xxx_

As it turned out, the biggest obstacle was not the good doctor, but finding a transport that was heading to New Vulcan. They had to wait five days to leave Earth. Five agonizing days of watching Jim continue to decline, to fade, to get weaker. He refused to eat, and he slept almost around the clock. It seemed to Spock that his friend had given up, quit fighting to stay alive. Spock kept vigil beside the bed, waiting for the rare occasions when Jim would awaken and converse with him, if only for a few precious minutes. Spock felt he would go insane with the waiting, the worry, the uncertainty. He was sitting in his chair lost in dark, frightening thoughts when he heard Jim speak.

"Hey," Jim said weakly, his voice thin and raspy.

"Hey yourself," Spock replied.

"How long have you been sitting there?"

"I do not know. It does not matter. How are you feeling?"

"Like homemade shit." At his friend's puzzled expression he said "Old Earth saying. Forget it. How much longer till we leave?"

"We depart tomorrow morning."

"I need a shower or a bath or something. Think you can help me with that? I know I can't do it myself."

"I would be honored to assist you. Do you prefer your bath water hotter, or cooler?"

"At this point I don't care. I just want to feel clean again. How many days has it been since I bathed?"

"Irrelevant. I will draw a bath for you." Spock went into the bathroom and turned on the water.

_xxx_

Jim felt the heat of the bath penetrate into his depleted, tired body. The tub was deep and he was up to his shoulders in soothing hot water. Spock was right there, perched on the edge of the tub, making sure he didn't lose consciousness, slip under the surface and drown. After a futile attempt to wash on his own, he gave up and let Spock do the work. He expected to feel strange having another man soap and scrub his body in some pretty private places, but this was Spock, not some stranger. There was no other man he could be comfortable with while naked and vulnerable. It was a testament to the bond that had formed between them. To Spock's credit, he was quick and efficient, remaining silent while deftly giving Jim a thorough cleaning, including washing his hair. He helped him out of the tub and seated him on a bench in the bathroom, where he toweled him dry and helped him into pajamas. He picked him up in his arms and carried him back to the bed.

"God, it feels good to be clean again", Jim said as he lay back on the pillows. Spock covered him and sat on the bed beside him. "Thanks for helping me."

"You are welcome, my friend. The shuttle to the transport leaves early. We must be at the station at six o'clock."

"Wow, no military time. You're really starting to loosen up."

"I blame it on you. You are, what is the expression? 'Rubbing off on me'."

Jim laughed weakly. "That's a good one, Spock. I'm impressed." Jim looked up at his friend and was rewarded with one of Spock's barely there smiles. To him, it felt like a grin. Spock didn't smile for just anyone. Probably Uhura and himself...

"Oh, holy shit. What about Uhura?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I've been so out of it, I didn't even think to ask. How is she taking all this?"

"Better than I expected. I explained everything to her. She admits to being jealous, but she supports us."

"Thank God for that. Did you tell her it's not like I'm taking her boyfriend away from her?"

"In a way, you are. This bond is and will be stronger than any that either of us will ever have. Anyone who is close to us will have to accept this, or walk away. Thankfully, Uhura has come to terms with it and approves of what we are doing."

"Well, it's not like we have much of a choice. Spock, I've been thinking. Do you think my getting some of Khan's blood has anything to do with this? Like, somehow acted as a catalyst to open up parts of my, whatever it is that formed this bond?"

"That thought has occurred to me as well. It is possible, but I do not know that we will ever know for certain. Does it matter to you?"

"No. I try to think of it as something good that may have come out of all the bad shit that guy did." Jim's eyelids felt heavy. "Hey, we better get some sleep if we have to get up so early."

"Agreed. Would you like for me to sleep here with you?"

Jim smiled. "I was hoping you'd ask."

The room was quiet except for the slow, steady sound of Spock's breathing. The Vulcan was spooning him, and his warmer body was soothing against Jim's weak, depleted one. He felt his friend's breath on the back of his neck, felt Spock's arm around him, holding him close. It was sometime after midnight and Jim knew he needed to get some rest, but sleep eluded him. He was thinking about the journey to New Vulcan in the morning, wondering what the outcome would be. Would the Vulcan High Council grant their request to be tested? If they declined, Jim would die, and he knew it. Dying wasn't so bad. He hadn't been on the other side long, but what he had experienced had been pleasant, even enjoyable, save for one thing: Spock was not with him. Spock had been left behind, and would be again, this time without his soul mate. This was the thing that kept him from sleeping. Imagining Spock left here without him, without the bond having been sealed. He'd still have Uhura, but it wouldn't be the same. This had to work. It had to.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time they arrived on New Vulcan, Jim was almost comatose. He drifted in and out of consciousness, largely unaware of what was going on around him. They had settled into a guest bedroom in Sarek's home. Spock's father had insisted that he be the one to plead their case to the High Council. Spock tried to protest, but Sarek had convinced him it would be the best course of action given the nature of the request and the individuals involved. Both father and son knew what the chances were of getting approval, but Sarek wasn't giving up, and Spock couldn't give up if he wanted to.

"I will return with the Council's decision as soon as it is rendered. Meanwhile, take care of your friend."

Spock waited. The minutes turned to hours. Spock spent the time pacing the floor of their small room, occasionally stopping to mind meld with Jim, monitor him, try to keep him from sinking any further into oblivion. Spock felt a growing anxiety as time marched on. At last he heard the front door open. He ceased his pacing and went to meet his father. The look on Sarek's face told him the news was not good.

"The High Council has denied your request, Spock. They will not do the testing."

Spock felt as if he had been kicked in the abdomen. A wave of panic swept over him, followed by a seething anger.

"They have condemned him to die. They have condemned _my soul mate_ to die!" He felt himself start to tremble. Heat coursed through his veins. His rage, in tandem with an overwhelming sense of loss and despair, threatened to drop him to his knees. This could not be happening. Not again! At that moment he was quite ready to kill every member of the High Council.

"Spock, control your emotions! There is someone who will do the testing, someone who is not bound by the council's ruling. Spock! Listen to me. We must leave now to meet with her, before it is too late."

It took a moment for Spock to absorb his father's words. His emotions took a dizzying turn. "You have found someone to test us? How? Who?"

"There is no time to explain. Please get Kirk into my shuttle. We must go now."

After what seemed like an eternity, they arrived at a small dwelling beyond the outskirts of the city. Spock carried an unconscious Jim Kirk to the door where they were greeted by two women. One appeared to be similar in age to Sarek, the other, much younger. The older woman spoke.

"I am T' Lara. This is my daughter T' Pela."

T' Pela stepped forward. "I will test you and your friend. Follow me, please." She led them into the house, to a room with a large platform set on a stone pedestal in the center of the room.

"What is the human's condition?" She asked.

"He is fading quickly," Sarek replied.

"His name is Jim. I am Spock."

T' Pela gestured toward the platform. "Spock, lay Jim on the bed so that you are to his left." Spock did as instructed. T' Pela placed her hand on Jim's face and initiated a mind meld. Spock saw her tilt her head and frown slightly. She broke contact and looked at Spock.

"We are almost out of time." She looked around. "Is there no witness to stand for Jim?"

Sarek spoke. "I will stand witness for both of them."

"As you wish. Spock. Once tested, do you wish the Tal fe'an Har to be sealed?"

"I do," Spock replied.

"Very well. Under no circumstances are you to interfere with anything I do while in the mind meld. Even if it seems as if I am harming Jim, you must not interfere. Do you understand?"

"I understand."

_xxx_

Without another word, T' Pela initiated the meld, her left hand to Spock, her right, to Jim. She felt Spock acknowledge her presence in his mind. Satisfied that he was were she needed him to be, she went looking for Jim. His mind was much more difficult to access. Not only was he non-Vulcan, he was also in deep distress. Very carefully, she initiated contact. She felt him recoil. She felt his fear and confusion, his hope and desperation. She felt a wave of love unlike any she had ever experienced. This human loved his friend completely, unconditionally. And finally, she felt the bond that had already formed.

"Jim Kirk. I am T' Pela. Do not fear me. I am here to help you. Spock is with me. Do you feel his presence?"

At first there was silence. Then, very faintly, she heard him answer. "Yes."

"The testing is complete. You and Spock are bonded in the Tal Fe'an Har. Do you wish for this bond to be sealed?"

This time the reply was louder, more clear. "Yes."

"There is damage to your soul that must be repaired. I am bringing Spock here to help me." She felt the human's heart beat faster as he heard his soul mate's name. In an instant, Spock was beside her. She gestured, and just as quickly, the three of them were standing beside a gaping hole, the shattered barrier to Jim's inner mind.

"Spock, do you recognize this?" she asked.

"Yes. It is the barrier I had to cross in Jim's mind. Why does it look like this?"

T' Pela gazed at the damaged doorway. It was ragged, torn. The image she caught from Jim's mind was that of an open, infected wound. Red, inflamed, painful. Unable to heal without some sort of intervention.

"It looks this way because when you pushed through it, you did so incorrectly." She felt a wave of shock rock through Spock's mind.

"I did this? His suffering is my fault..."

"Only because you were untrained. You did what you thought was right. You had no way of knowing that you were harming him." She watched Spock turn to look at Jim. She felt the pain he felt at the knowledge that he had done this, even if unintentionally.

Jim spoke. "It's OK, Spock. I know you didn't hurt me on purpose. Don't feel guilty."

"Spock," T' Pela said, getting his attention. "I will repair the damage. You may assist me."

"I do not know what to do. I do not wish to injure him further."

"Trust me, and follow my lead."

Slowly and carefully, T' Pela began to heal and close the rent in Jim's inner consciousness. She touched nothing; she used her mind to send healing energy to the ragged edges. Spock watched in fascination as the edges began to smooth. To Jim it looked as if the festered wound was scabbing over, healing. She paused and touched Spock briefly with her mind. "Do you see?"

"I see. It is a transfer of energy."

"Follow me." She guided Spock, showing him how to use the energy himself to help her heal the door. Time became irrelevant as they worked. Jim watched, and T' Pela could feel his strength returning. Finally the wound was healed, the door repaired.

"Jim. This is the passageway to your inner consciousness. You may choose how you wish to view it, and you can change the view at any time."

Jim looked at the door. It shimmered and became an air lock, as one would see on a space ship.

"Now," T' Pela said, "it is time to seal your bond. Move toward each other." She watched the two men close the space between them quickly, until they were standing face-to-face. "Sealing the bond is simple. It sounds impossible but it is not. Simply move _into_ each other." T' Pela withdrew her mind from those of the soul mates, to allow the two men to experience the sealing unhindered and unobserved.

Spock watched Jim draw a deep breath. His color was back, his beautiful blue eyes were sparkling and he was smiling. Spock savored the brief moment of anticipation and then began to close the gap between them. Their souls came into contact, blended, merged. They swirled and danced in and around each other, and every turn and touch brought them closer to completion. Fully in contact with each other's minds, Spock could hear Jim musing that it was like lovemaking only a hundred times better because it was not physical, but rather spiritual. Unfettered by flesh, their souls soared in a profound dance of love, trust, and bonding. Closer and closer they came until at last their souls joined completely in an explosion of ecstasy and a rush of the deepest and purest love. Jim cried out, and Spock felt the last of his reserve fall away as he embraced his soul mate without hesitation, allowing himself to feel every joyous second of their union.

The staggering impact of the sealing slowly ebbed, leaving them spent, indeed as if they had made love. The vibrant energy around them settled into a steady hum radiating from their deepest selves. They drew apart until they could look at each other, each one seeing the person to whom he was bonded for life. They stood still for some time, basking in the warm glow of their love for each other. After a while, they heard T' Pela's voice in their mind.

"Now I will take you back to the physical world."

They remained on New Vulcan for a few more days, guests in the home of the Vulcan mother and daughter. T' Pela taught them how to move between the physical and ethereal worlds, and how to access each other's inner realms. Jim was having trouble with not only the mechanics of the process, but the very idea of being able to do such a thing. At this point he couldn't do it without Spock's help. He found himself frustrated and disappointed that he couldn't nail it on his own.

"You are human," T' Pela said. "You have not been taught that there is this realm of consciousness within you, much less how to travel between it and the physical world. Be patient. You will master it in time. Meanwhile, you will have your soul mate to help you. There is no better way to learn than from one whom you trust above all others."

"If I may inquire, T' Pela," Spock began, "how did you come to do this work? It is controversial at best."

"I learned from my mother, who long ago saw the prejudice and bigotry that is all too common in Vulcan society. Our race often feels itself to be superior to others. We believe that all are equal, and must be treated as such. The fact that Jim is human and you are half human is unacceptable to many of our people. The situation has improved over time through the work my mother and I, and others like us have done, but we have a long way yet to go."


	5. Chapter 5

Epilogue

Jim's apartment was filled with music, conversation and the laughter of friends. It was a bridge crew party; Bones, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty, Uhura, Spock and himself. Food was grilling on the veranda, with Bones in charge. Everyone had brought something edible to share. Jim was in the kitchen getting chips and salsa ready to serve when Uhura joined him.

"Uhura, hey! Having fun?"

"You bet. It's wonderful to see you back to normal."

"Thank you," Jim replied. "I'm not sure what normal is anymore, but it sure feels good to be well."

"I just want you to know that I support you and Spock one hundred percent," Uhura said. "It was hard for me at first, but I know it's right for the two of you." She held out her arms and they hugged each other.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me. It's uncharted territory for all of us, isn't it?"

"That's an understatement. But, we are explorers, aren't we?" She looked at the chips and salsa. "Want me to take those out to the table?"

"Thanks. I'm just gonna grab a beer." He opened the fridge and pulled out a chilled bottle. He closed the door and turned to see Spock standing before him. He couldn't help but grin at his friend. "Enjoying the party?"

"If I may inquire, what are you doing hugging my girlfriend?" Spock asked, with just a whisper of a smile.

Jim laughed. "She came in to tell me she supports us. I knew she did, but to have her say it means a lot."

"She is an extraordinary woman."

"Yeah, she is, so you better treat her right or I'll have to kick your ass." Spock opened his mouth to comment, but Uhura interrupted him.

"Are you two going to stay in here all evening, or are you going to join the party?"

The two men turned to look at her. She stepped between them and put an arm around each of them.

"Hell, I'm partying. Spock, you need anything? Beer, tea, Altair water?"

Spock looked at him, and then at Uhura. "I have everything I need."

Uhura smiled at Jim and then at Spock. "Come on, guys. Let's get this party started!"

The End

_xxx_

A note about the Kirk-Spock-Uhura dynamic:

I've already received a guest (and therefore anonymous) review admonishing me for bonding Spock and Kirk together while Spock is in a relationship with Uhura. The truth is, the relationship between Spock and Uhura has been the only thing I haven't liked about the latest movies. I have for some time wanted to write a love story between two men that didn't involve sex, and the Kirk-Spock relationship has always fascinated me. If there are any two friends who qualify for such a bonding, it's these guys. Seeing the Spock-Uhura pairing in Star Trek 2009 was somewhat disconcerting, because I had never considered them as a pair and it really didn't make sense to me, to be honest. However, that is how this new story is written, so the only thing left to do was to write the Tal Fe'an Har as something that happened _to_ Kirk and Spock, not something they chose. It would have been easier to write had there not been an alternate reality to deal with, but without it these new movies would not have been possible.

That being said, I apologize to any Spock-Uhura shippers who may be unhappy with my story. Since the Star Trek universe is fictional to begin with, you can always write your own story.


End file.
